Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Four Things I Wish I Could Go Back and Tell My 20-Something-Self:

      You are in control of the people in your life.

I used to think that I had to give up everything to keep the people in my life happy. I felt like I had to bend over backwards to get the people in my life to like me, to feel accepted, and to keep people happy. The friendships in my life started to feel more like a burden than anything else, and what fun is that? The whole point of friendships is to have people surrounding you that support you, listen to you, and that you have fun with and laugh with and, most importantly, can trust. I pretty much had those things every other day, and the rest of the time was spent keeping them as happy as possible and spending time trying to walk on eggshells so I wouldn't disturb anything. It wasn’t until it was almost too late that I realized I didn’t have to do that and not only did I not have to do that, I had it in my power to let those people go. When I figured out I had that kind of control, things felt freer; I felt more free. I had power and it felt GOOD to use it.

You don’t have to settle when it comes to romantic relationships.

Oh, boy. I look back at the guys I dated and don’t understand how or why. Well, that’s a lie; I do know why. It was because I didn’t think I could do any better and because I thought that I couldn’t find any better or I thought I was being too unrealistic about what I wanted. Newsflash: I wasn’t. I settled for someone who I wasn’t in love with because I thought I would be stupid to give him up. I settled for someone who made me feel badly about myself because I thought I wasn’t as good of a person as he was. I settled for a man who didn’t know what he wanted and constantly made me question our relationship because I thought no one else would love me the way he did and because I thought love had to be hard to be worth it. Don’t do that. You don’t have to question your relationship, you don’t have to feel badly, you don’t have to want or settle for less than you actually want. Even if it means waiting, you can have what you want. And it will be worth every second of your wait. Super promise.

Not caring can be a good thing.

I mean, obviously not when it comes to people or your job or relationships. But, when it comes to what people think about you. Or when it comes to the brands you wear or the things you own. I used to be one of those girls who wouldn’t be caught dead out of the house without make up on and now, if I get mascara on my eyelashes, it’s a good day for me. And It’s not because I don’t care about myself or I hate makeup (actually, I love makeup) but it’s just because I realize I don’t care what people think about me. I’m confident enough in myself to go out of the house with naked eyes. I don’t care anymore about being perfect for anyone. I don’t care if I come across as demanding and if I may rock the baot, but I speak up when my order at a restaurant is wrong. I don’t care if I make someone mad, but if they treat me badly, I don’t put up with it and I tell them so. Stop caring about the things that don't matter and pay more attention to the things that do. Yourself included.

Let the future worry about itself.

Super easier said than done. And not to say that we shouldn’t THINK about the future or make any kind of plans for it. But, as someone who spent most of my twenties worrying about the future and trying to make things happen and do things a certain way I can tell you it was a complete and utter waste of time. And time really is precious. I look back and wonder what I was so worried about. My life is NOTHING like I wanted it to be or thought it was going to be or tried to make it be and – oh my goodness – I’m not dead. And, not only that, but my life is even better than my expectations were. Of course, I have the gift of hindsight, but honestly, if I had just let my life play out instead of forcing things to happen or stressing out about what wasn’t happening, I would have saved so much time, so much effort and energy, so much of my own sanity and my own happiness. Just, LIVE. Stop worrying, stop stressing, stop feeling sorry for yourself because you don’t have what you think you want or think you’re supposed to have and love what you do have. Your life will work out in the end.

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